I always tell myself that my eating is not bad. And I don’t know if I get worse when I’m on a diet as I’m craving bad things but.. Maybe my diet is not as good as I thought. I love cheese and the week before my period I can’t live without chocolate. This week is my chocolate week and I am having such a hard time with it. Yet after I eat some chocolate or something bad? I feel awful. Guilt. Shame. Disgust. Nausea. Yes, nausea! I actually feel physically sick from eating things that I thought were perfectly ok a few months ago.
So what is it about food? I guess I just have some sort of deep rooted attachment. Food was always there for me; always made me feel good, never judged me… It was and still IS my friend. I remember sneaking into the kitchen when my father and brother would be in the backyard just to make a quick grilled cheese in the microwave. It was delicious - it not only fulfilled my want for food, but also for affection.
What am I trying to do to change this? I’m just trying to eat mostly clean and yes I sneak a piece of cheese in every now and then… But I refuse to feel guilty about it. Maybe if I did then I would lose more weight. Haha.
This is such a long hard journey. I’ve only lost about 9 lbs in almost 2 months. There are days when I want to give up, but then I look at how my clothes fit and how I feel. And you know what? I feel fan-fucking-tastic.
I went to the specialist at the gym for a body fat test and they couldn’t do it because apparently their equipment is only meant to measure little people and their body fat. Absolute poppycock!!! But I’m sure I’ve built up plenty of muscle. I’ve noticed myself move from 20 to 30 to 40 lbs on certain machines. I can jog 3 full laps at the gym (we have a little track - 11 is a mile). I still feel as though my lungs are about to explode - I smoked for 10 years, but I am getting better.
I see my friends struggling with their weight and I try to help them and talk to them and motivate them… But they just blow me off. “I know I’m doing a half assed job” or “I know! I will eat better later” I’m tired of it. They will come to me for help when they are serious. You can’t force someone to be like you, you can just offer your help when they realise it for themselves.
So, friends? When you are ready? I’m here for you.
So I have Lose It & My Fitness Pal and they both tell me extremely different caloric intakes.
Lose It - 2047
My Fitness Pal - 1530
I dunno which one to do! Help me! x.X
My weight hasn’t been changing but I think I’m just getting obsessed with the number. I do think my stomach has gone in a bit. And by my stomach I mean the area underneath, my huge spare tyre is still there.. alive, kicking and flabby. -.-
I started out strong then just slacked a bit and I think it’s b/c that app told me that I could eat so many calories, so I did! Then it gives me even more since I’m working out so hard. It doesn’t help that my period is about to start so I’m STARVING. I know that’s no excuse to fuck up my new eating habits.
It’s just so hard to know how many calories I should be eating. :\
Time for lunch then going to workout!
Oh, I tried the stairmaster for the first time the other day. It fucking sucked big nasty sweaty balls. I’ll be sure to get on it again today. :D
Today sucked balls, but totally in a good way!
Went for the workout at 9am with the trainer. I’ve got 4 other ladies in my group and they all seem very nice. I think I’m definitely the largest and most out of shape. I also sweat the most. -.-
I dunno, a couple of them have nice bodies… but it all depends on what you think of yourself! The trainer is a Welsh bloke who seems cool. He set up a circuit for us and had us do some laps at the gym. He seemed to pick on me a bit, but that’s ok. Motivation!
So the circuit was Assisted Squats (there was just a bench behind us to sit down on), the ropes (seen a lot on the Biggest Loser tv show - you swing the ropes up and down), push ups, the plank (AKA - the bane of my existence) and lateral raises. Whew. That shit killed me. So what did I do after? I went to workout with my mate! B/c I want to die!
At the gym:
20 minutes on bike 1.34 miles
20 minutes on elliptical 1.53 miles
Weight machines - 4 for arms and 2 for legs. 15 reps twice on each machine
20 minutes on treadmill 0.90 mile (this was my cool-down, I was seriously fucking dead and drenched in sweat)
The fans weren’t on at the gym today, there are a couple of fans mounted high on the wall that blow on the area with the treadmills, ellipticals and bikes. I think that made me sweat even more. Which I needed like a bloody hole in the head.
I also started using my Lose It app. All of my exercise made it so that I could eat SO much more. But I didn’t! It says I should eat 2047 calories a day but I only ate 1,814. I got weak and ate a bag of popcorn since I’ve been craving it. It’ll get better from here! Promise!
I’m so sore. -.- Stairs suck!
Today is the first day of the Biggest Loser Program I signed up for. My mate is signing up for the gym with a 2 week guest pass and she and I get dirty when we go. And by dirty I mean disgustingly sweaty. And by we, I mean me b/c she’s one of those people that doesn’t sweat very much at all. -.- lol
I’ve realised that I actually prefer working out with someone and chit chatting. Having headphones on just isn’t as much of a distraction I suppose.
I’m going to take my measurements today as well after I get ready for the gym. As for right now though? I’m going to go have some brekkie then possibly cook some turkey breasts so I can have them in my salads for the week.
So I went to the weigh in for the Biggest Loser program at my gym and I was 288.6! O.O
Now I didn’t really gain weight, the weigh in was at night and I was wearing jeans b/c I ran over after going to see a movie. I feel like they should have regulated it a bit more… but it will only work to my advantage? Eh… it’s not like it’s serious competition I guess.
My workouts will be Tuesday mornings at 9am. I’m excited! And a little bit nervous. lol
My friend and I are gonna work out today, she’s totally hardcore about it like me, which is great. Last week we were there for like 2 hours. Also, she’s getting a free 2 week membership so we’re gonna get sick of each other b/c we’re gonna workout everyday!
I think I’m going to take a picture in the bridesmaid dress and then I’ll take another in it at the end of the program. :)
Also, the program ends the week before the bachelorette weekend/ my birthday weekend. So I think that helps with motivation.
Gonna go eat some salad and then go to workout! Let’s do this!
So last night I went to the introductory meeting for the Biggest Loser Program I signed up for at my gym.
It’s 10 weeks of workouts. One workout a week, 3 weigh ins, and 3 nutritional seminars. There is also a team challenge.
There is a point system which is the challenge and it is heinous. A bit skewed towards paying for things which I don’t like though. If I buy a metabolism test or a massage I get 20 points. But I only get 25 points for finishing the Loser Man - 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 mile run. Not all at the same time mind you! Doesn’t that seem a little well… dumb?!
The Loser Man can be completed twice. I’m going to do my damnedest to get it done! You also get 200 points for losing more than 15% of your total weight and inches. That’s 42 lbs. omg. 4.2 lbs a week. The measurements are strange though, only the waist, hips and some other measurement about the distance from the belly button to the back.
There is also a Bingo card, basically it’s 25 slots for classes. 20 points for completion of the entire page. It’s cool b/c it gives me the motivation to try out all of the classes that the gym offers. Like Core Chaos, Zumba, and Body Pump. Oh! They also have a Pilates Barre Fit class! I’ve heard a lot about them. I want to try it! I have to pay for that extra though, which stinks but ah well.
Since I’m not working much right now this is the perfect thing for me to do and I think that gives me a chance at winning if I really buckle down and do it. I’m already figuring out a schedule and how to finish everything. 66 lengths in the pool is a mile. So 158 for the 2.4 miles. So 316 lengths… 10 weeks… 32 lengths a week. The biking is what’s going to kill me though. But one spin class counts as 13 miles and it counts on the loser man AND the bingo card. I’ve never taken one but I foresee a few in my immediate future.
The top prize is $400 and there’s an extra $300 for being the top loser of the entire bunch. I wanna wiiiiiiiiiiin!
Eugh, my weight is still the same 280.4.
I went up a bit and now I’m back at the same weight. I started working out and going to the gym but I have not been getting the best sleep nor have I been eating properly.
So this week I’m gonna rock it! Minus those few chocolate covered almonds I ate last night! haha
The Biggest Loser program I joined starts next week! I’m excited and super nervous about it. I tried to sign up last time but there was a mix up. I seem to remember that I had a certain number of miles to walk and swim, etc. I’ll let you guys know how heinous it is when I get the sheets! There’s a meeting about it tonight so maybe I’ll get them.
Last week I worked out everyday except Saturday. Feeling great about it! I’ve also noticed that working out at the gym with someone to talk to is so much better than working out with a headset to me. It helps motivate me. I dunno why but when I listen to music I just concentrate too much on it and what I want to listen to. I still don’t think I have found the perfect motivational music that inspires me to kick ass at the gym. When I’m alone with just music or watching television I just don’t give it all like I will when someone is there with me. Tips? Music I should listen to? Bueller?
So I bought this super cute dress from Maurices as I have a dress the same size from the same store, but of course this one is too small. -.-
My goal is to be able to wear this the weekend of my birthday/ the bridal shower. April 19.
It’s an XL which is classified as a 15-16. I knew I wouldn’t be able to fit it, but I couldn’t help myself. Plus it’s great motivation. I wear around an 18-20. So I wonder if I will be able to fit it in time :\
Yes, yes I know it’s Tuesday….. but I forgot to post this yesterday when I weighed myself.
280.4. omg. I hope that is just water weight or I just jumped up like 5 pounds in a week! wtf. I hate myself. I went to the gym yesterday with a girl from the wedding and it felt great. We’re gonna go 3 times a week.
The gym has a lot of locations and the one she is near is about 15-20 minutes away (with no traffic) but I have one about 3 minutes away as well. Honestly I was trying to think of any excuse I could to NOT go yesterday, but I’m glad I did.
I’ve been trying to eat better, I get a bit bad around the holidays then I guess I just get used to it and keep some of the bad habits. Also I just found a recipe for some of that ginger dressing you get at Japanese restaurants. Feel free to make it too! I can’t wait to try it!! Eating salads a lot can just get so tedious. My plan is to look up lots of different salads so that I won’t get bored.
My fave salad is definitely one I saw on the Biggest Loser. He put turkey breast, cilantro/coriander, olive oil and jerk seasoning over a mixture of greens. It’s AMAZING. but I prefer it with tinned tuna.
Do you have a good salad recipe?
So, having a boyfriend seemed to kill a lot of my motivation last year. I still have him, but now I’m in another wedding in May. OMG EVERYONE STOP GETTING MARRIED!
I was torn about coming back to tumblr, not that any of you really know me or anything, but I feel embarrassed that I stopped and started a bunch. But you know what? That’s life!! We all go through it.. our ups and downs and now I’m back for an up to go down in WEIGHT. lol
So the new wedding I’m in? Some of the bridesmaids are bigger (most I think - the girls keep changing) and what does the bride pick? halter dresses. HALTER DRESSES. My bingo wings will be flapping in the wind. If I wave to anyone? I will be waving to the whole room.
July 30 I was 258.6. I weighed myself the other day and I was like 274. *le sigh
It’s ok though! I’m going to get back down! YES I WILL!
So a gym near me is doing a Biggest Loser program and I signed up for it. It has team workouts, challenges, nutritional lectures and prizes. Hopefully my competitive nature will jump in and I will get all crazy into it.
So, the bachelorette party they want to do? Is a weekend at the beach. So I really need to bust my ass for that as well, it is gonna be right around my birthday. I really don’t want to have to worry about being harpooned whilst sunbathing.
I made a folder on my pinterest to help get some workout tips and some great new recipes.
So here’s to a new year and a new me and you!